Hail Father Dagon! Hail Mother Hydra!

The 23rd of each month is a special day in my practice of Yog-Sothothery, as it is for many others in their own practices. I can't say it's a hard rule for all who would describe their practice as Yog-Sothothery. We are called to the Old Ones in different ways, and for different reasons. The choice of the 23rd day of the month wasn't a choice I personally made, though, and there are reasons the number is important to others, not just myself.

Oh, but I probably would have chosen it if it had been up to me! It was something that drew me in. My favorite number! There are stories about that, and jokes about 5 and 23 being the same number, but I'll save those for other times. The number wasn't my choice, but it did already have personal meaning for me. I find that happens often in my practice of Yog-Sothothery. Things line up in a way that shows how unconnected they seemed before to be an illusion.

There's a certain box I keep items related to my practice in, and I set items up yesterday and sat down to do some artwork. It's been a very taxing month this month. We've been joking at home about this September being six months long. I haven't been getting time for art, and that hurts me. The longer I go without being able to hold time and space for working on a project, the more restless I get and the more intense the thirst for art time becomes.

I would say I didn't work on what I wanted to, but that communicates the idea that I had something specific in mind. It's more accurate to say this wasn't the result I was expecting. But I know what it says, and I know why it was created, and this was a good way to spend the day.

I've found myself turning to using brush pens more often when I work on projects related to Cthulhu, Father Dagon and Mother Hydra, and the Lake Monster. I'm not good with brush pens. I lack experience. I love using them when I work on these projects, though, because they make me mindful of the fluidity of the ink, and the physical sensation of it all flowing. Using brushes for drawing and writing trains me to find control in cooperation with my tools, not dominance.

I've been fighting myself a lot lately. Trying to juggle too many things, frustrated with having more things thrown at me. I keep locking up and shutting down. Executive dysfunction becomes intensified and insists that everything must be the next step. That is, of course, impossible. It's like an error in programming that makes everything freeze up as I try to avoid a shutdown.

I appreciate the reminder to let the flow carry me.